The 5 Stages in the Life of Daughters with Unloving Mothers

The 5 Stages in the Life of Daughters with Unloving Mothers

Having a mother that doesn’t treat you right, that doesn’t express her love and affection, that simply doesn’t care for you is hard. It can have a long-lasting effect on a person, especially a daughter, because mothers have a special bond with their daughters. Once they realize they didn’t get the mother they deserved they go through a process of mourning, similar to the mourning after a loss.

Going through life without a loving, caring mother can be hard, those who’ve never experienced it don’t fully understand how difficult this can be. Accepting that your mother is just not loving and doesn’t care for you as she should be is the most difficult part, but it’s something that needs to be done if you want to overcome your troubles and grow into a healthy, mature person. The journey of acceptance is a messy one, it’s filled with ups and downs, it’s an emotional roller-coaster but the ride is a necessity because only after you’re done with it you’ll be healed and finally free.

One of the crucial things in this fight for your emotional freedom is to cut your mother out of your life. Maybe you’ll say you’ve already done it, but let’s be honest and admit how many times have you let her back in? Always longing for her love, hoping she will change. The result? Always the same, you’re the one that ends up being hurt, over and over again. Don’t let your need for motherly love drag you back in the vicious circle but be persistent and finally walk a step down recovery road.

Many are now wondering what is the right way to grieve the loss of your mother’s love? Well, the five stages of grief could be a nice way to start your recovery. Bear in mind that not everyone goes through all the 5 stages and not everyone follows them in order. Many skip a stage and get back to it later, or finish with one only to go back through it again after a while. This process is different for everyone, but they will give you a good idea on how to finally start your healing process.

The 5 stages of grief you should go through to finally accept the fact that you’ve been raised by an unloving mother:

The denial stage

This is the longest lasting stage for most women, it can last for years and decades. They’re aware of the problem in some distant part of their brain but since they realize they’re still not capable to deal with the severity of the situation they decide to block it out. Their brain simply locks away the information and doesn’t allow them to suffer even more. In many cases the daughter doesn’t fully understand how bad she’s treated by the mother until the mother passes away.

The anger stage

This is when you finally realize how much your mother has hurt you and the anger sets in. For most daughters it’s more sadness and pain than anger, but it’s a way to deal with the pain they feel. They become easily irritated and can even lash out on other targets, like the father, her siblings and other people she believes experienced the love she was denied. Since the anger is actually just a mask for other emotions, it often comes out as something irrational and illogical.
The best way to deal with this stage of your recovery is to finally forgive whoever is making you feel so angry in the first place. Forgiving them will not make what they did right again, but it will give you some feeling of resolution and you will be able to let go and overcome your pain.

The bargaining stage

The bargaining stage, similar to the denial stage, can be a long-lasting one. In this stage the daughter feels that if she behaves in a certain way or does something right she will finally get the support, love and care she’s always wanted. The sad truth is that no matter what she does or how she acts, the mother will never act any differently than before, leaving the daughter feeling helpless. If the daughter wants to move forward, she needs to exit the bargaining stage and move on.

The depression stage

This is the hardest stage, it’s when all the feelings of loss and pain finally set in and become so overwhelming that the daughter feels utterly and inconsolably depressed. This is the critical stage and you shouldn’t be rushed into snapping out of it, as many like to say. You should take all the time you need, cry it out and finally deal with all your emotions you’ve kept bottled inside for so long. Once you’ve done this, you will be able to move on.

The acceptance stage

This is the last stage and it’s called acceptance not because you will accept everything that’s been done to you as fine. It’s the stage in which you finally understand what you’ve lost and you accept that there’s nothing you can do about it. You accept that this has influenced your life negatively and you’re finally ready to move on, heal and start new, healthy relationships with people who will love you back.

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