Despite the common conception of mothers being unconditionally caring, some mothers are not a pillar of support to their daughters. This type of behavior, while not physically abusive, still leaves scars on the life on their daughters.
This emotional burden should be processed. They need to overcome their insecurities and realize that they are worthy of love, in spite of the fact that they were never cherished in that way by their mothers.
Daughters should commit to a type of soul-searching: a difficult process which is very different for all women. They should be wary that the road to recovery is chaotic, filled with relapses and hard to stick with. Then again, if a daughter firmly decides to stay on it, she will be reborn and free from the toxicity of their unloving mothers.
Generally, the most difficult are the relapses by letting mothers into their lives, hoping they have changed and will make up for lost times. Ultimately, daughters get hurt again and fall in their cycle of despair and need for approval instead of becoming free.
The best course of action for daughters to overcome the absence of their mothers’ affection are the 5 phases of grief. It’s normal for this process to happen in a different way since every life was shaped in a different way.
Check out the 5 phases of grief and how they can serve to recover women from their harmful upbringing.
Commonly this stage is the hardest to get out of and a woman can be stuck for a long time. They can see the issue, but preventively ignore it once it becomes overwhelming. Daughters can’t notice the damage by their unloving mothers, sometimes even after their mothers die.
Daughters have unprocessed emotions of sadness and pain that manifest as unreasonable anger towards the actual cause of unhappiness, the mother, but also towards those that don’t deserve such treatment. In order to conquer this complex mix of feelings, daughters should forgive the source of their anger. This way they let go of the resentment that holds them back.
3. BARGAINING/ Negotiating
Another phase that has the potential to keep a daughter stuck in one place for a longer period, sometimes even years. An unloved daughter still seeks approval from her mother. She still thinks there is hope for her mother to respect her efforts and achievements. But the faster she is willing to let go of desire, the faster she can continue with her life in a healthy way.
4. DEPRESSION/ Despair
Daughters explore the root of their unprocessed feelings as they finally get to the surface and are acknowledged. To make it through this phase, they need to express the intensity of their underlying emotions with sadness and crying, which is often judged by society.
5. ACCEPTANCE/ Recognition
This is the phase when daughters accept the absence of a loving mother, the emotional damage they have experienced as a result, but not as if they approve of these past events. Instead, they take it as a part of their life that just happened, but will not hold them back anymore.
A daughter is now ready to create new relationships, because it means that she has truly recovered and has come to terms with her challenging experience in a proper way.
Daughters with unloving mothers can’t change their past, they can only accept it and let go. This is important to happen so that they can create a generational circle of love and care for their daughters, instead of passing on the torch of emotional pain.
Source > peacequarters.com