Many people have marvelled over the key to everlasting love.
Like never before in history of humankind, relationships dipole at the blink of an eye and we seem to resolutely pay them less attention than in the past.
Is it possible to invest and commit yourself to a healthy relationship while the world all but seems to go to hell?
People are unfaithful, deceitful and gradually become detached.
But a research shows that the healthiest relationships have three things in common. You’d wonder – which?
Helen Fisher who is a biological anthropologist, claims that it is all about activating surges of dopamine in certain centers of the brain, and when it comes to love, there are 3 methods of achieving just that.
You can watch heh amazing TED talk here:
What is the brain’s attitude towards love?
The findings of Helen Fisher’s research indicate that love and romance produce the same surges of dopamine to the brain as other events in life that make us feel ecstatic, enthusiastic, and light-headed.
As we progressively get attached to someone, the surges of dopamine grow in strength and with time can evoke to feelings to maintain the connection between those two.
Helen Fisher’s research focused on couples submitting themselves to brain scans and discovered that their brains produced strong activity when they were thinking about their partners. This suggests that the feeling between them was not only love but also attachment.
Staying attached is what people struggle with. As we develop with age, we can find it hard to remain in a relationship with a person totally different from the one that we originally said ‘yes’ to.
However, the moment your brain remembers the person and the surges of dopamine reach the body, the memories this person evokes in you might be sufficient to keep you devoted.
The three things we find in common to every happy, stable and long marriages are:
1) Ability to feel empathetic for one another.
2) Ability of each partner to put a rain on their emotions during periods of great stress and turmoil.
3) Ability to create positive illusions. These so called ‘positive illusion ability’, in Fisher’s view, means that you are capable to oversee the things you do not like in someone in order to see only their positive sides. So, to succeed, instead of finding and criticizing the flaws, focus things you find attractive.
The takeout of Fisher’s amazing research is that both partners carry equal the responsibility of the relationship.
Whether you believe your significant other has hurt you or not also rests on how you have behaved yourself during the event.
Therefore, of your quarrels always focus on who washed the dishes last, walked the dog, the kids, your car, finances, work etc., why don’t you try to repaint those conflicts into those positive illusions we mentioned earlier: you are lucky to have a house, have kids and dog in it, good job that allows you to put food on their table and wash the dishes after a meal?
Relationships need a lot effort and such effort is required from both partners, or else the relationship will dissolve in a blink of an eye.
Source > hackspirit.com