By saying “I love you” to someone, you are uttering the most powerful words one can say to another. And even though the meaning of these words is generally accepted, the person that says them sometimes lacks the ability to understand their meaning.
This is a letter to all those who had no luck and fell in love with a person who will always remain egoistic and love themselves more than anyone else. It is written from the point of view of the self-centered narcissist who is keen on keeping “the lover” on a string.
Dear Dependent Partner,
What I’m writing here is not something I would usually say or admit to you, since if I do so I will not come out as the winner in this game of ours we call a relationship, where you have to carry my load.
That is the main point.
The meaning of my “I love you” is that I really love that you work hard to make me feel like I’m everything to you, that I am the center of your life and that I love the way you never expect me to do the same for you.
I love my opportunity to make use of your generosity and good intentions, and the pleasures I take when I belittle you.
I love to think that you are feeble, delicate, emotionally unstable, and I can’t wait to scorn you for your innocence, naiveté and lack of strength.
I’m in love with the fact that if I gaslight you, the things you want to discuss will never be discussed and I love the power I have to make you feel guilty for mentioning things that I’m not interested in, lowering further your expectations of me.
I love the easiness with which I can make you alleviate my pain, and make you know that no matter what you do, you will never provide me with enough love, respect, appreciation etc.
(It has nothing to do with how close we are, or our emotional connection, that other time I hurt you or the fact that I don’t spend time with you and the kids. It’s about me, and keeping you constantly busy with making me happy, and keeping you in pain. I have all the rights to feel pleasure here, alright?)
My “I love you” signifies that I love it when you are by my side, but as an object I own. I love the way you make me look better in front of others. I am really glad to think that others want what I possess.
I love it when you beg me to do something more to show that you are devoted and loyal to me.
I love that you are the best person to blame for everything. Hating you makes me feel better, and enables me to feed my sense of superiority while keeping the illusory image of power alive in my head.
I can’t help it but feel more powerless than the lack of control over someone who can spoil my image of superiority in front of others. You should understand that you are just an object for me and that in this way I prove that I’m superior. I own you. You probably know that. It is mine to teach you to detest things feeble people demand, such as love and emotions. I’ve known this as a child and it’s my job to teach you.
I take pleasure in making you go crazy for me not acting as you want to. I want you to repeat the same things over and over again, say things you don’t mean and then feel sorry for it (for being nice). All things you say will be held against you, and I’ll torture you with them any time I can to confuse you and make you have doubts about yourself.
Let me make it clear to you, you have to be in my shoes. I am always supposed to lack interest in your emotions, feelings and pain, until you finally learn the lesson. The lesson means that you should come to terms with the fact that you are a thing, an object to me and that you serve only to provide me with pleasure and comfort if necessary, without expressing any opinion.
The proof in being genetically superior to you is seen in the fact that you are not even aware that I’m mistreating you. And you know what biology books say, those that are genetically superior are not the loving kind, except when they want to set a trap for someone.
I also love how you become insecure for every little thing I do, especially when I pay attention to other women be it in the family, friends etc. You most probably wonder why I don’t give you compliments or express feelings of affection, but it’s simple I pleasure in agonizing you.
I know I have the power to bring you back each time you say you’ll leave me, and I love it. Because each time I do it, I manage to trick you by saying that I’ll change.
My love for you means that I am full of self-hate and I need someone (like you) to stay with me so that I can make them feel bad about themselves and thus feel better myself. This is the way for me to feel happy. I hide all my feelings of vulnerability and that’s why I feel hate towards all others that I consider idiots, weak and inferior to me.
My love for you means that I enjoy in controlling your thoughts and mind, so that you see a savior in me, and return back to me each time you soar high or dig deep.
I love it that you consider me a god, you obsess by worshiping and adoring me, sacrifice everything you are to avoid my contempt.
My love for you means that I am completely happy to see myself through your eyes. You are the drug that makes me feel good; you are my biggest and most dedicated fan. You look up to me unconditionally and that is what I love. (You may have already realized that I get very weak when there’s even the slightest chance or possibility that you or the world will condemn me for not being able to cope with what I possess).
I love the fact that no matter how much you want me to love you or feel affection for you, it won’t happen, because I’m the one in control. Why should I do that? If you lack what you yearn for, I’m at my happiest. Shattering your dreams is what I do best. I’ll not risk and let you put on your wings to fly away from me. No, I’m not that stupid.
I am very good at controlling your efforts to touch me by using your own head, by changing the flow of the discussion and at the end making you question yourself and your love for me, showing you that you are an ungrateful one.
I am also very good at manipulating others, making them see you as the bad one in all situations, depicting you as frowning, demanding, egoistic and nagging.
I love it that I can say No with such an ease, and how I can keep you centered on what I need or may want at the moment to keep me happy.
I am in love with the way I can put you in isolation from all who may show love to you, and I particularly enjoy in making you not trust them, so that in the end you know that it is I who really loves you.
You feel as if it’s a favor that I’m still being with you? Good. I have such a black hole inside me which constantly needs to pull the life and vitality you provide.
I do hate you and I hate my need for your attention and care, and I am hooked on the desire to see myself through those eyes of you because you are always ready to love, obsess, and do everything for me, while I lie and trick you in the worst of possible ways.
I adore it when you tell me that I’ve hurt you, it is a confession of my success to know that you’ve been hurt so that I can feel good, thus being sure that you will never be able to beguile me with love and emotional stuff.
Long story – short, my “I love you” means that I absolutely love my power to remain an unsolved mystery to you. You are simply unaware of the fact that the winner in this game of ours is the one who invents the rules. I am completely ensured that I will never allow you to get me into a relationship that’s caring and loving, because in my terms showing weakness, love, affection and kindness to someone are signs that I’ve become inferior.
Thank you, but I think I’ll stay out of the other things and keep my winner pedestal. I will always be in to compete for the prize of being ruthless, careless, harsh and rigid… and most of all arrogant, and make sure that my need to remain superior isn’t obstructed.
Forever limiting your love,
The Narcissistic Egoist
Source > thinkaloud.net