How many times have you heard someone saying “he just won’t let me go” when they come seeking for advice for a relationship that doesn’t seem to go anywhere? Women battle with this question constantly, trying to find a reason why they shouldn’t end things with their partner, finding comfort in the thought that he must love them if he doesn’t want to let them go. Why else would he beg me to stay, they wonder?
Well, it’s probably because you’re just too convenient for him. You’re probably too good for him and with him to let you just walk away. Women tend to do that for their partners, allow them to behave however they want and tending to their every need, despite the fact that they may be cheating on them, treats them with disrespect, breaks them emotionally and mentally. But when they finally decide it’s time to walk away, the partner starts begging them to stay. And then comes the ‘logical’ assumption that he must love them since he doesn’t want to let them go.
Let me explain this so that you can understand, a man who loves you would never treat you this way. A man who loves you would never let it come to the point where you want out of the relationship. A man who loves you would notice that something is off long before you realize you want out, and he’ll do whatever he can to make things right. He won’t just step up his game to convince you to stay, only to find him back to his old habits once things settled. A man who loves you will not bare to see you unhappy, stressed, hurt. This man who doesn’t want to let you go does it because you bring him stability, you tend to his needs and you’re reliable, nothing more. He just wants you around because you’re his maid, his cook and his puppet and he doesn’t want to see this disappear.
Don’t let yourself be dragged back into a toxic relationship, not after you’ve finally gathered the courage to say ‘I quit’. Women need to be honest with themselves and accept the facts, this man is not good for you. Trust your gut, because deep down you know it’s true.
If you’ve also wondered this, if you’ve asked yourself why is it that he won’t let you go if he doesn’t want you, here are some things you should know about this type of relationships:
Understand that you vibrate on different frequencies
When you find yourself in this type of situation you should realize that you and your partner want different things in life. You want to commit to someone, be intimate with someone and connect with them on a deeper level. You want your relationship to last and evolve on to the next level. He, on the other hand, want these things as well but only when you threaten to leave. The moment you start turning around and offer these things to them he panics, feels suffocated and starts sabotaging the relationship. It’s pretty simple actually, you want different things in life.
Take it a step at a time
Your partner needs to earn your trust, you shouldn’t simply give it to him. Even if you believe he should get a second chance, that your relationship should get a second chance, take it slowly, one step at a time. He may seem nice and considerate now, but don’t get your hopes up as things may go back to how they used to be sooner than you think.
This is not a romantic comedy
If movies have taught us anything at all, it’s that they’re not realistic. Every romantic comedy ends up the same, the guy gets the girl and they live happily ever after. Unfortunately, things in real life are much more complicated and don’t always end up in laughter. That’s why you need to get both feet firmly on the ground and accept that he’ll probably never change.
Trust his actions, not his words
When he comes knocking at your door, begging to come back, all broken hearted and with tears in his eyes he’ll probably say whatever you need to hear to win you back over. In that exact moment he may even mean all these things, but the problem is that once he does get you back he will go back to being his idiotic former self. Words don’t mean anything if he doesn’t act on them.
There’s no excuse for what he does and you’re certainly not to blame for his actions
Most of the time, the women who end up with commitment-phobic jerks or are attracted to them are overly empathic and prone to misplacing responsibilities.
This stretches from our childhood days, when we believed that everything that happens to us is our fault, good or bad. Our brain stems are underdeveloped when we’re young and we still can’t understand that we’re not the center of the universe, it’s the normal process of growing up.
But if your childhood was volatile, your parents struggled with some addiction or mental problems, we tend to keep that feeling of being the cause of everything that happens to us well into our adult life. That’s why we often fall for addicts, chaotic persons, narcissists and the like.
Just know that it’s never your fault and you shouldn’t make stupid excuses for his repeatedly stupid actions. Just carry on and don’t look back.
Take care of yourself.
Don’t get fooled into a toxic relationship again just because your ex crawled back, all broken with tears in his eyes, begging you to take him in. We’d probably want to fix what’s broken, but know that you should always put yourself first and take care of your needs before you go running taking care of others.